Why is it so hard to ask for help?

Growing up I always felt the need to show a can do attitude, to excel in school, to earn my own money. Through my teenage years, I rarely liked to talk about any issues that faced me. It was too embarrassing to talk to my friends about my mother’s increasing drinking problem or the difficult relationship that existed with my dad’s new wife. I just thought all the feelings I felt was something I could handle myself. Noone needed to know there was a problem. It was just too embarrassing.

As I got older, I craved an organised home and a polished surface and a calm homelife, as this was something I hadn’t experienced for many years, following on from my parents divorce. When we started trying for a baby in my late 20s, we kept on facing miscarriage after miscarriage as I wanted my body to work without the help or support of treatment. Eventually I caved in and I asked the universe for help as well as for professional help, and with time our baby arrived. The rest is history and our second arrived as a surprise.

When I was faced with cancer, at just 40 years of age, with 2 young children at home, I still was determined to manage on my own. Although the more I researched healing and as my inner feeling of wanting to live, to survive, grew stronger, I realised that asking for help and not getting through things alone was the only way. I started accepting that granny would have the children during my chemotherapy sessions and for a few days afterwards so I could rest, or that the cooking and laundry would get done for me, when I didn’t feel strong enough to deal with it. I accepted that I couldn’t get through it alone and that we are stronger together.

Even to this day, I still find myself going out of my way to do things for others, preferably for free with nothing in return. It is in my nature to help others. However, I am often reminded by my teachers, my books and my family that I cannot keep on giving from an empty jar and sometimes I need to put myself first. So during the past few years, I learnt the hard way that it is ok to ask for help and to say yes to support. This doesn’t make you a weak person. If anything it will make you a stronger person, a happier person to be around. That can only be a good thing.

There is a lot of research out there pointing to the fact that people, who are faced by a life threatening illness, who are supported by friends and family, tackle the situation far better than those who are walking the walk alone. So when you are struggling and feel like you are drowning in commitments and musts, please do yourself a favour and reach out and ask for help. Your health and your body will thank you for it one day.